i dont feel good at all , this weekend has been HORRIBLE. all ive been doing was binging & then purging.binging & purging & then i thought i was in a safe zone cause i found this guy who i thought was good for me , i really needed someone like him right now & we broke up like an hour ago & we only went out for 5 days! but of course i cheated on him by makingout with 3 other guys =[
but it wasnt really my fault ...blah lately all my relationships lasted  last then or week  seriously is there something wrong with me?
blah i just feel like such crap , like i failed myself ...this week all im eating is an apple a day taking a shit load of pills so that my hunger can go away for alittle & buying like 2 packs of cigs ; i need to lose 15 pounds to reach my 90 goal weight!
I have to do this..I NEED TO.
Argh i hope all of you guys have had a good day..

its funny how my so called "best friend" thinks this a competition
Last week i told her i was on a "diet" because i dont want anyone knowing about my ED im not ready to tell anyone..but  she started noticing that i havent been eating and now she comes out of No where & tells me.. "OH! i want to go on a diet also give me tips and stuff!" & i thought why? your already skinny...but  i gave her some anyways..but healthy tips i don't want her to go threw what im going threw , no one does..so now she calls me everyday and tells me about how she's barely hungry any more and she tells me about how she loses soo much weight which i really cant see..as if she wants to rub it in my face .
I just think that as me being her former "fat" friend ..she just cant stand the fact that i could be skinner then her..
cause she's really tall and pretty skinny..it just makes me laugh how the people you care about the most turn into such assholes.
Whatever untill monday i am only drinking water and green tea & maybe a light red bull for some energy. I want to loose 3 pounds in these 3 days , hope i can..but anyways.. Anyone wanna do this with me? feel free to respond ( =

today wasnt to great; i didnt eat anything at all yesterday ; i stayed strong & then my mom took me out for sushi and i didnt want that much so i had 2  different rolls and i forgot what else & then we had to go food shopping and my mom took me out for icecream after and i just felt so bad about  eating all that so i purged out ALL the icecream; andd took 3 laxatives so hopefully this shit will be out ; i hope =[
Tomorrow is a holiday for me so my moms probably going to make me eat again ; ARGH i feel like a fat ass . 
I mean ive just started noticed some results and after i ate i have my tummy back; i hate thisssss.
im going to go do a 40 min pilates exercise and then hopefully the laxatives will kick in, How are you guys doing today?
I'd love to hear from you lovelys <3


Stay strong!  

Today i didn't eat anything and had 4 cups of tea with No sugar.
Im doing goooood & im proud, honestly im alittle light headed from not eating but i'll go to sleep early and maybe have half an apple in the morning tomorrow before school so i will have some energy.
How is everyone today? ( =

blahh;all weeek i ate so little - to nothing at all and i ONLY lost 2 pounds; wtf?
im so angry, i mean my stomach is def. smaller but why isnt the weight dropping?
w/e i'll fast for the rest of the week and maybe i'll get to my first goal which is 112 pounds;i want to do thiss by monday though,think its possible..?

also last night i was talking to my bestfriend and she questioned me about why i exercised alot & why she doesnt see me eating as much..then i told her what i was up to and she FLIPPED out ; i got so scared cause i thought she'd tell someone and then i just didnt want people finding out so i told her that i was kidding and i was only joking and testing her about how much she no's me and if she would really think i would ever do that..i feel bad for lying but i really do think that thats my only option at this point..

Did anyone ever have to do this before? i feeeel so bad. =/  

 Heyy everyone;Does anyone want to talk on aim?
or be ann Aim buddyyy with me and we can do a weeks fast or we can both follow a certain meal plan for the week; or if anyoneee just wants to talk; My Aim is >> thinkthinxox

( =

blahh;all weeek i ate so little - to nothing at all and i ONLY lost 2 pounds; wtf?
im so angry, i mean my stomach is def. smaller but why isnt the weight dropping?
w/e i'll fast for the rest of the week and maybe i'll get to my first goal which is 112 pounds;i want to do thiss by monday though,think its possible..?

also last night i was talking to my bestfriend and she questioned me about why i exercised alot & why she doesnt see me eating as much..then i told her what i was up to and she FLIPPED out ; i got so scared cause i thought she'd tell someone and then i just didnt want people finding out so i told her that i was kidding and i was only joking and testing her about how much she no's me and if she would really think i would ever do that..i feel bad for lying but i really do think that thats my only option at this point..

Did anyone ever have to do this before? i feeeel so bad. =/